Meet me in Prague

Havering,

I try to understand you, what you are thinking and doing. But without success.

Some time ago I discovered that I don't know you as well as I thought. I think this has lead to miscommunication in the past. I also think that this is why my recent attempts to communicate with you were in vain. We sent emails back and forth but I dare not speak of communication.

This email is my attempt to communicate with you.

You wrote me 16 messages, including one not adressed to me but people reading with me.

There are no people reading with me. I can't explain the things that appearantly went wrong with your facebook. I am convinced that it must have been a normal error. Nor have there at any time been people listening in.

From what you write I destilled that you believe we love one another and a third party makes this impossible. You decided to fight the third party.

You must know that it was my wish, personally motivated, to break contact. It was not influenced or laid up by a third party. You wrote about Mac.I assess you try to fight him. Please know that he has got nothing to do with it. I ask you to leave him alone. I know you think I am pursuaded to write this, but I am not. I don't know how to convince you but I ask you to believe me for it is true.

I care about you. It hurts me to see you hurt. I want to communicate with you if that helps you. I offered you my friendship in the past. I offer it again. But it can only work if you want it and stop blaming and fighting others.

I am here as a friend.

Regards, Sjors

Dear Sjors,

I apologize for the delay in responding. I’ve been in the UK again, working with Jim and running in the Suffolk countryside. It has been very beautiful, with a clear sky and warm sun – even at the end of September.

I feel at a loss for what I should write to you so I hesitate. What can I say that I have not already said? How can I communicate with you when you seem not to understand me and when your responses carry those obligatory attempts to paint me as irrational or paranoid? I feel so sad to be confronted by your prioritizations: you make it clear that you will support and protect their lies, even when they harm me. You choose to align yourself with the people whom you once thought that, with me by your side, you could fight.  What do I say to that?

You tell me that you wish to be my friend. If this is a genuine offer, then meet with me. It is clear that we cannot “communicate” via messages. You feel misunderstood by me. If you wish to convince me of the truth of your words, then look me in the eyes and tell me in person that your organization never harmed me.  Tell me that they are not actively looking for ways to harm me.  Tell me to my face that they are not reading your messages and informing your words and influencing your decisions.

You say that you are trying to understand me, what I am thinking and doing. If you truly wish to know, then I will tell you. In person.  I will tell you whatever you want to know.

If we are to be friends, then we must trust one another. I cannot trust you when I believe you are lying to me, and you cannot trust me when you think I will be your downfall.

It should be on neutral ground. Not Italy. Not the Netherlands. You pick the place (in Europe, preferably) and I will meet you. Madrid, Paris, London, Prague. It doesn’t matter to me.

I will be unavailable until the middle of October. After that, plan to take time off and spend two days with me over a weekend during the last two weeks of October. Not two hours. Not a single awful lying meeting that leaves me drained and dark for months. If you want my friendship, then earn my trust and invest in me as you would invest in a friend. If you want my wellbeing, then be a friend. If you are truthful with me, I will be truthful with you. I will cancel meetings on a weekend and give you my attention and we will build a friendship.

If you want to bring someone with you, that would be fine. Bring your brother or your friend or your wife or a colleague. It may be better that way because I will not be a “secret” friend again.  

It’s your choice.

Sincere wishes for your wellbeing,

E