Her decision

I learned from my friend "M" that she plans to have an abortion. She is five weeks pregnant. She is in her late 20's and working a stable job. She has been dating the same man for the past four years. He is nice but he is also an alcoholic, so she doesn't want him to have any say in what happens.

"M" says she doesn't think she has enough of a support system to have a kid. She worries that she is a smoker and taking anti-depressants, and she thinks that this would harm the fetus. I said, "Sometimes its difficult to do something for yourself - but it becomes possible if you're doing it for someone else - if you're doing it out of love."

She said, "I don't want you to judge me if I have an abortion."

But I will judge her because I don't want her to abort. I'm glad that she has the choice to - that we live in a country where a woman can decide for herself what is right for her. But it feels so sad to think that there is a person we haven't met yet, who would have "M"'s eyes and her laugh - and that this person wouldn't get a chance to even start. Every day, lights flicker and go out. Nelson Mandela died yesterday and that was a very bright light indeed. I think, "what if this is a bright light?" and I feel, because it is "M"s and because I love "M" it must be a bright light.

"M" said, "I don't want to be a single parent. I wanted to be more stable than this. I need more support."

I said, "You'll figure it out when it comes down to it."

She said, "I don't think I want to."

I said, "I can raise your child. I can be a single parent if you need me to."

She said, "I couldn't stand watching someone else raise my child."

I would do it.