Transit

In the past week I've traveled quite a lot. So much time spent in airports, taxis, airplanes. It's a strange experience being in-between. I'm not one thing or another: not where I was, not where I need to be.  This has been the past several months for me. Maybe its been the past several years. I feel like a quantum particle: in between states. A superposition of possibilities. I can't be what I was meant to be, so what will I become instead?

I e-mailed Edward on Sinter Klaas. Gave him everything I've worked on for the past two years; every secret hope. Is it any surprise that his silence has become a burden? An additional sorrow?

The doctors have offered to try again - and not charge me a second time. It's an unusual and generous offer. One I couldn't have predicted or hoped for. I find a way to afford the medication and they'll include everything else. So, of course I'm going to try. Do I feel more trepidation this time? Yes. And I understand also the price I will pay physically, and this makes me anxious. But I'm grateful for the chance.

I'm able to see Corinne again. She picked me up at the airport last night. Today I spent time with her and the girls and Kimball, her husband. I have difficulty connecting with the girls right now. I won't read anything into this. It's just a matter of time, I'm sure.