Maybe I don't take note often enough. It's easy to observe and put meaning onto the growing darkness, my head dipping below the surface again. But when the darkness subsides...I don't tend to remark on this.
I think that, after all, it was the anniversary. An awful, ugly reminder of Sjors' betrayal and the slander of MIVD and the cowardliness of my leadership and company. It was bound to make me feel like shit. July 4 in particular. What an ugly nasty day. I thought, "this is it. I'm going back under, aren't I?"
And then, when I didn't expect it, the darkness started to lift.
I don't pretend I'm not susceptible to melancholy, but it's better to believe that it's a manageable condition with an occasional flare-up than a permanent acute state.
I hardly noticed the way the demons backed into the shadows again. I was too focused on the patent examiner's comments. And now. Tonight. I feel fine. I worked out at the gym, watched the Tour de France, wrote to my lawyer, ate a sushi lunch with Marie and got a massage. Not a bad day. And I feel fine. God, what a gift it is to be able to say that: I feel fine.
To the MIVD bastards I say: good night, and may uncomfortable, career-crushing fumbles with important issues fuck you up tomorrow. May you accidentally expose your bums to the world and may you be mocked and lose the respect of your leadership. May you be made to look absurd.
And now, to bed.
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