It's supposed to snow for the next three days. I've tried to steal what sunlight I can before the front moves in. I made the long walk to DC yesterday - jogging the first few miles and trudging the rest. As ever, I listened to an audiobook and called family, found myself at my favorite sushi restaurant for dinner, chatted with Marie, and took the train back. This meditative walkabout has been the staple of my sanity for years now; in Italy, I would walk to Bagnoli pier or out to monte di procida or to Lago Averno. When I miss it for a week, I miss it. The three-mile strolls to the grocery store are fine, but they don't compensate for my need to walk ten or fifteen miles; until my legs and hips hurt and I'm ready for a long sleep.
Eric's plane arrived at 11:30 and he was at my place shortly after midnight. He looked quite the disaster after his week in Vegas. It was nice to feel him laying next to me in bed, for all that he snored and tossed around - because he also reached out and touched my hand, or caressed my arm, or pulled me next to him. These gestures are so comforting to me, recalling a time when I was loved. Eric does not love me, but it is good to have some form of intimacy as long as it doesn't break me. I seem to lack the ability to trust. There isn't a way around it.
I had a long conversation with Narisse yesterday morning. She's read the first couple chapters of the book. She doesn't like that there are no revealing descriptions of me. What would this look like? Heaven only knows. She also doesn't like Sjors. She thinks he's a creep for pursuing me so heavily. Corinne says that there isn't much to make someone believe that Sjors is a kind person. But I loved him. It is difficult to show someone else what you saw - particularly when there is no light to illuminate it.
Pcat's in town. He texted me when he arrived. I look forward to seeing him again. It's been a long time.
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