the rage

I can't to this either. During the past few hours, I've spent time sorting my accounts and seeing where I stand: understanding that I am so financially damaged it will be difficult to repair without years of work. Of course I didn't look at it before. It is another wound and it infuriates me. I am frustrated and full of rage. Full of all the anger of a hundred aborted dreams. I remember why I came here. I remember why I let myself have a measure of forgetfulness and peace. I can't live like a tortured wildcat, clawing out at everyone that comes near. I have to find a way to let this all go. I have to let myself live in the "now" because I can't change the past. I can't know the future. I cannot look behind me because the burning is still too much.