Three months since Sjors betrayed me to save himself.
I find I am not angry at him. I am so sad. I am disappointed.
Of all the things to worry about; I worry about the state of his eternal soul.
It seems ridiculous, given the circumstance.
I am still so harmed by him. By MIVD. The people I was helping are harmed.
I am trying to mitigate.
I wonder why I should give a shit for this man who, for all intents and purposes, has caused more damage in my life than I have ever known. I do not intend to ever contact him again. I do not look for signs of him through friends or web searches. He is gone. Finished.
But then there is this troubling concept of what it means to be a soul mate.
Suppose we are our brother's keeper? Suppose we are close to one or two souls on this planet who made the journey with us. And we said, 'I love you. I will find you. I will remind you who you are. And I will fight for your integrity- even if it costs me.'
Because, ultimately, what is there worth fighting for if not the souls, minds, and bodies of the people we love?
There is nothing I can do to fight for him anymore. He has removed all options. So I think. And I sometimes talk to possible god about him. This is all I have.
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