Compartments

I have spent these days playing with my 7-month-old niece, and doing what I can to help her mother. Corinne is a splendid soul who was so pleased to get out on bike rides, strolls through the farmer's market, and to paddle a canoe with me and look for gators. She is also unbelievably tired, and four months pregnant again (although unintentionally this time). She asked me, "how should I prioritize?"

The only way to build priorities is to start with your vision for the future. What is your long term objective? And then you sort out what will be needed to achieve this. When you have the different lines of effort in your life, you can rack and stack them and pick the top priorities. It is difficult to prioritize, however, when you cannot articulate your own vision or objectives.

Most people tend to start with the limitations before they even can construct a vision: "Well, I can't do THIS until THAT happens..." until you're so boxed in, you are forced to live day-to-day and deny yourself a vision.

Corinne told me that, years ago, she ceded the idea of her own career for the career of her husband and, now, it is difficult to know what her professional objectives could be. It must also be a bit painful.

I think we put the painful pieces into boxes and let these be the limitations on our vision. If Corinne states what she wants professionally, she must face the pain of the compromises and loses she has already sustained professionally. Similarly, I find that I cannot form a vision for what I want the future to look like from a romantic perspective. I can make career goals, fitness goals, friendship goals, and work hard to maintain the relationships with my family. But I cannot open this painful box for the future because it is full of so much sorrow. It becomes a blind spot. A thing I deliberately ignore.