California Coastline

This is Monday. My fifth day here. I wanted G to know I love him. As ever, he let me know he loves me first. He picked me up at the airport, took me to breakfast, a tour of the area, and a walk along the Sunset Cliffs. 

I'm glad I stayed as long as I did. Any shorter and I might have been caught up in old patterns, old sadness. Now, I get a chance to see him in different environments and be reassured after I leave. We went North, to his girlfriend's house. We had dinner there night before last. Two days ago, we went to Balboa park and finished up with a bowl of Pho. Yesterday, the girlfriend went sailing with us. I tell her things about him: try to let her see the parts about G I love and care about and want to be nourished. I can't stay and be part of his life and path, but she can. I want her to know it's a good investment. I don't know how long they get. G thinks he will stop the relationship, walk away, when things get bad with the cancer. But I don't want him to. Investments of this sort are never about the overall investment of resources. It never is. It's about love. 

Today, we went to the Safari park of the San Diego Zoo. Saw animals I've only ever seen in Africa. Not really Africa here, but better than a zoo and people were enjoying themselves. 

G hates that I still love Sjors. He gets physically angry about it. Two nights ago, over glasses of wine, with the ocean pounding, we fought about it. On the drive home today from the zoo, we discussed it again - we were talking about what our individual motivations for life were and he stepped right into it. I tried to maneuver around the subject but I think he did it deliberately. I suppose I have a fundamental disagreement with him and everyone else on the planet about the nature of love and choice. He says he isn't trying to change my mind anymore, but then we get cold towards one another and have to go to our individual corners.