Closing out

I scheduled the meeting for tomorrow AM - so of course I can't sleep. I know what I'm going to say but that doesn't make it any easier. Anticipating a sad or difficult conversation is sometimes worse than actually having it.

If this ugly thing hadn't happened, I would say that things at work are going well. I gave a "brown bag" discussion about the research today and the team seems enthusiastic to move ahead. People are talking about next steps and my boss is looking to nominate our entire office for an award based on my analysis. No kidding. But I feel the fragility of this. Everyone's pleasure with me would dissolve if this ugly thing becomes an issue. My old employer has a lot of sway in this office and this could get much uglier before it gets better.

The truth is: having this shit on my record is bad for business. It's bad for the company I own. It's bad for the company I work for. If I stay and this becomes an "issue" I put other people's livelihoods at risk. I can't do that. I can't just wait around for things to get ugly. Its better that I bow out now - train my replacement.

I worked out at the gym after work. Lifted weights and stretched. I'm glad I've been training so hard - I need to feel my strength.

I moved two loads of boxes yesterday - and another load tonight. Tomorrow I'll get an estimate on total moving costs so I don't have to finish this all on my own. I'm mentally gone already.

I'm looking forward to seeing Corinne and the young doodlers. Gracie's started looking like a little girl instead of a baby - and the Z-bird is walking around with her sweet baby stumbles. I haven't seen them since Christmas and I need to spend time with them, get to know them.