Adjustment

I am traveling with my father through Italy. He was here on vacation from the States, had been delayed in Philadelphia for two days, and arrived in Naples only one hour after Byron gave me the news that the bastards had won and that I couldn't work in the office for a month. I knew that this was bad - but Byron was so oblique and non-committal about everything that he neglected to mention that the Command had also decided to terminate our agreement.

That news came two hours later on a phone call from DC.

My poor dad. I'd walked him down to Via Napoli while I waited for the call. The connection was so poor that the line cut out as soon as the news crackled through. So much for the walk. We hurried back up the hill to find a landline and to fight Jeff and Laura: was it really so important that I get back to the States ASAP?

In the time since then, I've cycled through dozens of different thoughts. Feelings range from outrage (at the Dutch Intel folks who have, once again, managed to invade my life and my privacy) to tremendous sadness (that I can't continue to support the programs and projects that I'd started) to overwhelming disappointment (that my leadership would not see the value of my work, not see the evil game that these bastards play, and not fight on the side of truth and righteousness) and betrayal (that Sjors would take the 30 pieces of silver and believe he is a hero as he does it).

I don't know what to do next. After years of working and fighting, I'm tired. I have been sad for a very long time.