Moving day

Packing out today. Up most the night going through papers and personal items to sort out the things I need to have with me. Also spent two hours trying like mad to get the pedals off my bicycle so I could pack the damned thing. Couldn't get enough torque. 

Antonietta and Gianni came to help me shortly after the movers arrived. I was embarrassed when I asked for their help but glad that they were there after all. It is strange and stupid to look at the things I own. There is nothing much of value - and so many odds and ends that have no real reason: the sediment of my life. We packed them in boxes and moved them out. 

It is an interesting perspective to look at everything I own and to realize that it doesn't matter to me. Apart from my bicycle and a nice writing desk, there isn't much that I own that I give two shakes about. I've lost the things that matter most to me. I've lost Sjors and I've lost my programs. Everything else is window-dressing. They can dump it in the ocean for all I care. 

I feel bad today. The exhaustive effort was a manifestation of the reality of these betrayals.