not a victim

I received some upsetting news this evening: MIVD's lie is the gift that keeps on giving. There's a "red flag"in an important database - and it blocks me from a job that I would otherwise get.

I feel strangely calm as I pull the thread on this latest piece of particular nastiness. This isn't the first time I've been slimed, and it wont be the last.

Last summer, when I began to write my after-action report on the events involving MIVD's illegal privacy invasion, I didn't realize how valuable this record would be. It's important for historical records, for legal records, and for personal peace of mind. I have a calm confidence that I've done nothing wrong. This is an important truth to know.

Victimization occurs when the target begins to internalize and believe that he/she somehow deserved or earned an abuse or attack. From a psychological perspective this makes sense because we wish to believe we have some control over our fates. When that control is taken away, we create a paradigm where we haven't lost control. "Its my fault because I didn't do such-and-fro carefully enough." "I deserved this."

But I know that this was not of my doing. This was not my choice. Bad things happened to me, but I did not ask for them. And I didn't behave badly. I will not be your victim.